Why am I me, and not someone else?
It sounds like some sort of existential, drug-induced question, but it’s something I find myself asking a lot. Why am I me? Why is this consciousness inside me only looking through one point of view? Why is it mine?
I long, sometimes, for some sort of fearful, all-revealing vision that would surpass myself. A kind of God-consciousness. Maybe that’s why I’m so fascinated by the ideas of Nirvana and reincarnation and enlightenment.
I don’t long for eternal life, but I long for God-consciousness. To see and know everything, even if just as a spirit. To be many different people. A kind of mental eternity.
My body, I don’t care about. This one life, I could do without. But there’s so much mentally, soulfully, to explore. I want to experience many different lives, many different kinds of existences, to surpass the boundaries of my body and see everything at once.
I long for God-consciousness, even if, perhaps, that is a mistake.